As a young student with a curious mind, one recalls American writer Alfin Toffler’s 1970 bestseller book ‘Future Shock’ as a real revelation, for  the term itself was described as a certain psychological state of individuals and entire societies and a personal perception of “too much change in too short a period of time’. Nearly six decades since then, we have kind of turned shockproof having seen a whole lot of revolutionary changes, driven by huge shifts in technology, politics, socio-cultural values & the dynamics of ‘Power’.

It’s uncanny that a lot of terms now used in context of having ‘POWER’ were familiar to us back in the 1960-70s, because it meant having light or electricity, without which we couldn’t study or work. The biggest setback was if lights failed an evening just before the exam. In times of electricity cuts, candles & emergency lights would be used & life went on. If a prolonged power breakdown occurred during a major event all hell broke loose!

With ‘power’ often playing truant, we were made to realize that it didn’t come cheap and had to be conserved. In the days of frugality and simple living, our parents and teachers set the example to us that fans and lights should be switched off, when not needed, not only in our homes but also in schools, offices and public places. We were sensitized to making the best use of and not waste ‘power’ for there were many in our country, still without it. Today with abundant power we think we have, we don’t care for such small things. Instead we’ve learnt how to easily ‘switch off’ from old friends, jobs and loyalties.

Another thing that was dinned into us was never to be careless while dealing with any appliances that had ‘power’ – a naked wire, a faulty plug or loose connection could give a nasty shock which in severe cases could lead to electrocution. Basic rules were also to carry out such repairs only with gloves & rubber slippers on and if you knew the job. I’ve  always felt that apart from life skills like driving, cooking, swimming, one should know mechanical and electrical odd jobs. Metaphorically speaking ‘POWER’ can get you many things, but ‘shocks’ come to hit you if not prepared to ever lose the ‘Power’ you had..            

Interestingly, much of the terminology that is now associated with ‘Power’ and ‘Powerful leaders ’ has phrases like electrifying presence, high voltage speeches, ‘switched’ over & sent ‘shock waves’ (to the opposition) have all been generously borrowed from Thomas Edison’s invention that brought ‘light’ and shone hope into the lives of people ever after. Therefore, such words are suited to those who work for the well being of fellow humans. 

Pete Hoekstra said ‘Real leadership is leaders recognizing that they serve the people that they lead’. They must set the roadmap and light up the path for others to follow.

Watch on ‘ZEE 5’

While it’s a brave, new OTT film directed by the undaunted Anubhav Sinha ( known for hard hitting socio-political films like ‘Mulk’, ‘Article 15’ and ‘Thappad’ ), surprisingly it has not created any hype unlike the recent much promoted and highly acclaimed mega blockbuster movie for it’s hyper nationalism and jingoistic patriotism !

This when there is so much talk and chest-thumping for women’s safety, well being and empowerment that all parties are deeply concerned about but have probably skipped the heartbeat of a gut-wrenching film like ‘Assi’ that is a searing indictment of a system that has failed to protect its women across the board in their own cities, towns and villages.    

Ironically, the film’s name is ‘Assi’ (or 80) that depicts the number of rape cases that occur in India every day. It highlights a, “80 per day, every day” statistic, aiming to shed light on the widespread issue of sexual violence and the failure of the justice system.

It’s still commendable that the film has been allowed to be released albeit with ‘A’ rating.  With the rawness and intensely dark contours of our social fabric depicted with courage and sans any gloss, it’s a woman’s gritty fight for justice and dignity, where the cornered victim of a gang rape has her family & work life shattered and must prove her innocence. Such cases are prolonged because credible evidences & witnesses are not available or often the ones obtained are tampered or destroyed by the police authorities in collusion with influential guardians of perpetrators. And social stigma and media trial continues..

The film raises many social and moral issues but none more grave that such crimes are often committed by wards of affluent parents in powerful posts, by youth who are given education often in our so called elite schools. It’s a reflection on a wayward and immoral society that doesn’t nurture its children with the right values as good & upright citizens. The patriarchal mindset in young men must change to respect & take women as equals.

Without divulging the storyline of the film that’s also slow-burn courtroom thriller, it reminded me of two brave films : ‘Insaaf Ka Tarazu’ (1980) & ‘Aaj Ki Awaaz’ (1984) both dealing with violent rape which couldn’t deliver justice to victims and revenge in form of vigilantism becomes an answer. Yet ‘Assi’ deals the subject with realism, sensitivity and an air of helplessness, even from the judiciary which has only circumstantial evidence. 

The film belongs to three brilliant and heart-rending performances – Taapase Pannu as the crusading lawyer fighting for justice, Kani Kusruti as the hapless victim who’s life turns upside down with trauma & Revathi as the reflective Judge on the chair . There are notable performances from Kumud Mishra, Mohd Zeeshan and Manoj Pahwa, A cameo from Naseeruddin was inconsequential, having played many meaty roles with aplomb !  

  

The two words that evoke in us unmitigated emotional turmoil in very different ways are ‘Lost’ and ‘Found’. On life’s canvas, an endless search continues as both play their part !

Early in school we start losing things as carefree souls – a handkerchief, tiffin box, pen, pencil, umbrella to books and notes. Then there are tirades from elders for our little blunders : ‘Have you lost your mind !’ to the peremptory : ‘Get lost !’ for a wrong-doing to tragic announcements like ‘We lost our dear Principal today !’  In our time, our school would have a ‘lost and found’ box for sundry items we left behind. Now we are ‘On-line’ savvy, debit/credit cards yet get lost but some often get recovered from a Mall’s desk.

To get anywhere in life, doing well in tests and competitions is essential which means not losing any marks and getting high grades. For achievers, losing the first position in class or coming second in a race is a setback. For the sporty types it is about making up for ‘loss of quick wickets’ after batting first or not losing the clever ‘pass’ just near the goal. We come of age, helplessly ‘losing our heart to someone’ and ‘losing sleep over it’ and ‘being at a loss for words’ describing ‘love’. Yet, we have no ‘love-lost’ for some !

There’s something poignant about ‘loss’ expressed in various forms and this has spurred writers, poets to create classic pieces of literature. Let’s recall Shelley’s lines ‘It’s better to have loved & lost than to have never loved’ and Dicken’s Sydney Carton saying ‘It’s a far far better thing to do..’ before sacrificing his life for one who was the love of the one he loved ! James Hilton’s novel ‘Lost Horizon’ introduced the world to ‘Shangri La’, the utopian state of agelessness and John Milton’s ‘Paradise Lost’ an epic poem that retells the biblical story of the Fall of Man. Then there was also from him ‘Paradise Regained’.

The flip side of ‘lost’ is ‘found’ which lifts our spirits. Imagine the thrill of discovering from the recesses of your old cupboard, what were given up as lost- a priceless 18^th Birthday letter from Dad, finding an old classic book, a song recording or a funny shirt gifted years back by the spouse, faded pictures with siblings, old neighbors, school-friends & our children as ‘little kids’. We have excitedly reconnected with those we had lost contact with and revisited places that hold memories of yester years. In forgotten places or even in new locations, we’ve lost bearings but found our way back. This makes us hopeful – for some of what’s lost might come back but in different ways and times.

Sometimes you can feel that you’ve lost something but then at the same time you can discover you’ve actually found or gained something. Life’s untold adventures never cease, those within and without. Only when lost, do we begin to understand ourselves !

While nothing much has changed since yesterday (except possibly the update on the West-Asia conflict and downward march of the stock markets), but for Bengalis, it is ‘Polia Boishakh’ today and marks the beginning of another ‘Bengali’ year. Coming on the heels of the new financial year and the colourful North-Indian ‘Baisakhi’ festival, its traditionally a festive occasion of Bengal but people all over also celebrate with fervour.

The iconic song by Gurudev Tagore – ‘Esho hey Boishakh, esho esho sho..’ ushering in the Bengali New Year, reverberates during the day with different cultural flavours in homes and social gatherings. People send messages or call out each other to exchange a hearty ‘Shubho Naboborsho’ ! Sharing warm wishes, lively songs and pics in colourful kurtas and red-bordered ‘tat’sarees and partaking ‘Bong’ sweets and delicacies, spirits are auto-lifted and smiles restored even if  for a day ! 

Apart from the festivities, another way of looking at the ‘New Year’ is like opening a brand new book whose pages are as yet blank or a new innings where every player starts with a zero on the scoreboard. We all, irrespective of our form of expression, can put inspiring and heart-warming words and life stories and lessons in them ourselves and share them with others with whom we come in contact with.  We can fill the book with tales and memoirs of real life heroes who overcame adversities and innovators who thought of ways of tackling unprecedented new problems as per the need of the hour.

‘There is always light at the end of the tunnel’ can be an overriding thought. The geo-political scenario may be tough and unpredictable but the resolve to ‘resolve’ must be high. ‘Poila Boisakh’ can revive spirits – ‘It’s start of a New Day and another New Year’ !    

When I was in my early 40s, I spent a lot of time with my parents as I was posted in my hometown, Lucknow for a few years. My Dad played the doting Grand-Dad to my two sons. He was the vibrant, cheerful septuagenarian, playing cricket with them and being their friend, story-teller and guide. Time moved on also I did to another posting. In my later interactions, there was a profound change in Dad’s disposition. He felt a sense of  loss & inevitability. His friends of decades, were leaving having played their innings ! 

More than two decades later, we in our 70s are on the same cross roads. Old memories and friends matter much, as we see the world fleeting by & transforming with alacrity. Losing old friends, especially those who felt like family as we reconnected again, is a profound and often quiet form of grief that can feel as painful as a breakup. When old friends leave “forever”- it is a difficult transition that often involves losing witnesses to our life story. I understand now what Dad had felt then, as we face this cycle of life.

As professional bankers we were used to due dates and maturity being fixed & known in advance. But it doesn’t quite work like that in real life where only the birth date remains unchanged. Studies on the average human life span are holistic with no guarantees of individual performance. The Bard had profoundly said ‘Life is a Walking Shadow..’ to mean that human existence is brief, fleeting and lacks substance. Despite the experience we’ve gained, its tough to accept our fallibility and unpredictability of ‘what lies ahead’.  

Having said that, there’s the resilient part of us that navigates the painful loss of friends realizing that sometimes friends and some loved ones are only meant to be part of your story, for a season, not the entire book. Write down good memories and lessons learned from the dear departed to honor the past while accepting that the present has changed.  The goal is to reach a point where you can look back at the good times with the friends who left us with fondness, while appreciating our own life and those we have as of now. 

Finally, here’s another thought – just as eagles fly alone, sometimes, being with yourself with your strong belief system means, you are meant to grow stronger on your own !

It’s always so good to start the day on a high note – it can be a call, letter, message or a newspaper piece that hits your eye. Today, it was a lovely write-up from the ‘Speaking Tree’ section in ‘TOI’ that extols the extraordinary virtues and strengths of my favorite Super-hero, ‘Hanuman ji’, in the most simple language that every youth should read ! In  our religiosity and faith that we’ve imbibed since our childhood & lessons in folklore learnt through cultural upbringing, there’s been an invincible side to HIM in our Epics !

However, in a more modern context of say, the panoramic IPL cricket that’s taken over our sporting world, other learnings from ‘Hanumanji’ could be of a perfect ‘Team Man’ who never questions the Captain or Leader on his decisions yet contributes in the battle in most innovative ways making him the greatest ever all rounder. He could fit into any role, infinitely big or inscrutably small but would be up to the task given, never claiming any credit. The ‘Deity’ assumes human forms as inspired people rise to the occasion !

The incomparable PG Wodehouse, dedicated one of his books thus “To my daughter, without whose never-failing sympathy and encouragement this book would have been finished in half the time.” Was this appreciation or affection in another form ?  Another British legend, Cricketer Tony Greig, in one of his after dinner speeches, said to his wife of 40 years “Honey would you have in your wildest dreams ever thought I would be so successful ?” To which his wife replied with a dead-pan look “But you never appeared in my wildest dreams!” Underneath the banter, there was endearing love but that was long ago.In a cynical, disparaging world, are we losing out on afterglow of appreciation ?!

Life, after all, is so much about expressing praise for others, for nature and to feel good for what God’s gifted us. So let’s begin with enjoying the little things in life. These may be a fun time with old friends & family, it may be the joy of learning something new, it may be listening to the gurgle of your grandchild or it may be the warm feeling you get when you’ve done a good act for a colleague, friend, stranger, it may be singing an old song or enjoying a sunset from your rooftop or watch nature bloom in your back garden. Yet, we’d rather carry that tedious burden over the passage of days, weeks, years and decades in quest of success and glory .

The great thinker, Voltaire had said “Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” What makes better human beings is learning to appreciate others’ ideas, sincerity, contribution, good deeds etc. Once, I was told by a person I happened to help out in course of my work “You changed the course of my life“. I felt elated and humbled. In the work-place, appreciation is generally guarded “Good effort but there’s scope for doing better” which means that we’ve given your due let’s get on with it. Too early to celebrate ?

The two strong pillars in the great construction called ‘Marriage’ are understanding and appreciation. Often, things are left unsaid or taken as granted. Yes, it is the gesture that matters but texture and text also do ! Life has become busier & more fast paced but try to appreciate the people in your life all year around rather than on special occasions only. Family, co-workers, friends & loved ones are always there to help celebrate our achievements with us and rally around to pick us up when we’re down. By appreciating them the way they deserve, we can reciprocate the care and appreciation they have already given to us.

As one lady-wit had said “If you have a secret, share it with your husband. He is never listening” Bitter truth which reflects the immense faith wives have in their husbands but one senses genuinely fond appreciation even if  it’s back-handed !  

When we hear of a school mate, who’s associated with many old memories, suddenly leaving us, those memories become a treasure as nostalgia returns laden with grief for his friends and the 71 batch Colvin classmates in general. Interestingly, I had known Alok (Raja) as a family friend even before I joined Colvin College in Class V in 1964 and his twin sister Shreela (Rani) was my sister Shibani’s classmate in La Martiniere Girls School in the 1960’s.

When I joined the ‘All Boys’ institution like Colvin from La Mart, I was subjected to a bit of harmless bullying because of my short height and earned the nickname ‘Tenchi’! Alok had ‘Nice Guy’ image and was the tallest in class. He came forward for me as protector and friend as we shared many common interests like sports, music and family ties. He recognized that I could bat & bowl a bit too and my earliest memories are being a part of his team that would be formed every day to play cricket during the class intervals.

Not only did we play together in cricket matches later, but would compete in singing & debating competitions, he from ‘Ajanta’ House and I from ‘Taxila’. In College, we went different ways in our subject choices, he chose Arts and I, the Science stream. For his all round brilliance & persona, Alok deservedly became the College Captain. Elder brother Ajit too had been College Captain. Sadly our interactions became erratic after leaving College though after news circulated, we all proudly claimed that our classmate had become the ADC to Prez of India, a rank few can achieve. We understand that Alok had settled in US. It was a pleasant surprise as he connected on FB a few years ago, maybe because my face on my DP hadn’t changed much ! More time has passed & we hear that the large hearted, wonderful ‘Big Guy’ is no more ! Alok sang SD Burman songs well & maybe for him:’Ore Maajhi, Mere Saajan Hai Uss Paar’..     

Unearthing young musical talent from the diverse corners of the country and giving them a national platform to showcase their skills is a laudable initiative that has been gaining immense popularity and has drawn huge traction. Among the most watched reality shows  is the ‘Indian Idol’ on Sony TV and ‘Sa Re Ga Ma’ on Zee TV  followed by a host of others like ‘Singing Superstar’ and the MTV’s show.

Early on, we’ve been hooked to the ‘Sa Re Ga Ma’ (SRGM) on Zee Bangla, the Bengali counterpart on Zee TV. Bengal, has traditionally been the home of legendary poets, singers, composers & musicians, famous both in Kolkata and Mumbai). The Bengali SRGM does a great job in it’s talent hunt and provides a magnificent platform to begin their careers as professional singers. This comes with a stunning orchestra and galaxy of musicians performing alongside and suave anchors like star-actor, Abir Chatterjee !

As veteran music buffs we’ve felt that it consistently brings on board prodigious young talent & singing prodigies who exhibit an amazing range of skills on Zee’s big stage. As back-up, after the elimination rounds, the team prepares the chosen contestants with training to hone their skills & smoothening out rough edges through its musical experts. In a high stakes music contest, the competition is extremely tough but what’s heartening to see is the camaraderie & bonhomie that binds the youth into warm friendships ! 

Despite this, SRGM has developed an aura of a grand spectacle replete with celebrity culture and enlarged panel of eminent judges from the music industry. In the on-going season, there are as many as nine judges (five would easily do !) who present a highly imposing force for a young contestant to reckon with. There is now a trend of calling the judges as ‘legends’ but are there any real legends left in Kolkata or Mumbai’s music world ? Of the best of singers today, the amazing Shreya Ghoshal still maintains her humility despite great fame while Arijit retired from politics of playback ! 

Another irksome feature is using the SRGM platform for promoting the music & songs of some of the judges from their newly released films. At the start of every show, one or the other judge is on the stage singing, whereas these famous artists have their own shows for their craft. Yes, worthy judges giving their points of view and showing the finer nuances to the budding singers is laudable. As viewers, we want that most of the space and time should be for contestants and not judges and celebrity guests !

SRGM is universal in its appeal and singers are allowed to perform in both Bengali & Hindi. Pure nostalgia when beautiful fresh voices and personas render melodies of the golden era and continue the legacies of true legends ! SRGM is on the air till late night every weekend and is such a refreshing change from the disturbing ‘Breaking News’ !  

      

What’s it about our Memory that’s so beautiful if it’s retains that which pleases the heart and burdens it with negativity if it’s unpleasant or sad. They’re best forgotten we say and deleting them, we move on creating more mind-space for happier thoughts to enter. This selective process serves us well till we attain a certain stage and that age when we suddenly encounter what’s called an unexplained ‘Brain Fade’ ! Like a dip in electric voltage, this memory lapse is a temporary inability to recall information, often resulting in forgotten names, places, misplaced items or momentary confusion.

Seniors we have so much to retain as hangovers from the past that like the mobile space that’s perpetually low, the mind tries to cope with the data load and at times gives up. Typically we males have selective memory spaces for the things that interest us but depend on the spouse (at home) & assistants (in office) for supplying the specific details of names, dates, appointments etc. As they get older & older forgetful husbands might misplace keys, glasses, medicines, mobiles, shoes but never forget their old friends ! Not entirely removed from this affliction, I have tried to devise methods like making daiy to-do lists, diarising bank a/c details, due dates,renewals, passwords, pins & medicines !

Normally the system works well but I’ve started having my off days too that have even surprised me. Recently, I had to send an urgent courier to a relative and for the address & pin-code I checked my records quickly and completed the packet. Next day, I was told by my relative who’d got a call from the Courier, that the address on the packet was their old address. I hadn’t rechecked that their address had indeed changed and I’d actually noted it down earlier. It took a few days to rectify the mistake & get the delivery made. How could a meticulous person like me, make such a stupid error ? A real brain-fade !

In conversations with my  peer group friends, we have animated discussions on the geo-political tensions engulfing the ‘Gulf’ & now famous waterway called ‘Strait of Hormuz’ is easily talked about but most of us struggle with the names of various protagonists and players of the conflict, but they do come back to haunt us later ! Research suggests that while these lapses are common & often normal with aging or due to stress/distraction, we must energize minds with various mental exercises & problem solving, reading and conversing on diverse topics with people, physical activity and healthy lifestyle habits.  

In an uncanny quirk of nature, there are many things we can’t remember and also those we never forget, specially from the past & we call them ‘unforgettable’ moments of life. Many marvel that I hardly ever look at the song lyrics while singing as I remember the words & tunes by heart. To never forget good events & good people is such a good thing !